I am convinced 2016 will be a great year. Global warming has taken its toll and blessed us with a 60-degree winter. The Tarzan remake will be out soon with Alex Skarsgard starring as the unruly, hulking ape-man that has captivated numerous primal souls. But the real pièce de résistance that has incited an inextinguishable flame in my heart is the Presidential Election.
Something about pantsuits, debates and arguing middle-aged adults just really gets me going … to the ballots. Alas, I have hit a wall; with all the inspiring and passionate candidates, who am I, a broke and sarcastic college student, to choose?
Currently, I am registered as an Independent—just because of the vast formidable options that have so graciously signed their name onto the political ballot and I am teetering like Humpty-Dumpty on the proverbial fence. But who will I fall for, is the question? (Actually, it would be “to fall or not to fall,” I think.)
First, we have the understated and understanding Donald Trump. Boy, do I love this man. I can’t tell if it’s his golden wisp of hair that has harnessed my heart or his ability to trash every single person of every race, of every gender and of every biological cell. I’m telling you, he’s a keeper. Really, I can’t think of a better person to handle international relations with other countries, especially during a time of terrorism, skepticism and radicalism, than an overly aggressive billionaire.
But of course, there’s Hillary. We can’t leave out Hillary Clinton. I trust her with my life and my computer. I aspire to be like her one day—how else do you think she has obtained the status of one of the feminist movement’s most iconic figures? She stood by her man during a national scandal centered around his infidelity. Tammy Wynette would be proud. My favorite was when she roped off journalists at a parade in New Hampshire—some people say it’s because she wanted to avoid questions, but I know the real Hillary just wanted room to greet her adoring voters. At least, I think I do.
Something I love about America is the periodic appearance of a passionate citizen who expresses their love for American ideals by embodying the complete opposite. I’m pointing at you, Bernie Sanders. A man of real value, meticulous logic and some delightful one-liners. Yes, I am feeling the Bern. I can see it now, our first Socialist president. I really don’t know why nobody has attempted this before. I mean, Socialism has worked out so well in the past; it would be foolhardy for us to carry on the tradition of democracy when it has only lasted us since 1776. What’s 240 years?
Then there are all the other candidates: Ted Cruz, a man of two countries; Marco Rubio, whose skin is as smooth and supple as his political resume; Rand Paul, who recently exited the candidacy, taking his #RANDGIRLS with him. There’s also Carly Fiorina and Ben Carson, but to be quite honest with you, I forget about them a lot in the midst of all the other candidates’ shaming each other.
In all seriousness, where is our great American President? During WWII, Franklin Delano Roosevelt proclaimed to the American people how to dispel our fears by being proud of our nation and standing up for it. During the 1960s, John F. Kennedy attempted to reconnect the frayed edges of a segregated nation. Ronald Reagan: a man who, to this day, is still remembered as a patriotic, brave president. A true American – someone who would stand by the security of his nation no matter what.
I am truly a broke and sarcastic college student, but all jokes aside, I really just want someone to inspire me. At this point, it really does not matter if it is a Republican or a Democrat—what can they bring to the table? As a passionate American, someone who is proud to pledge allegiance and stand at the beginning notes of the Star-Spangled Banner, I want to see a candidate with grit, passion and honesty. No excuses, no ulterior motives—just the notion that they will do the best they can to lead our country. Where are they now?