I feel sick every day. I do not want to feel this way. I want to love college.
The past couple weeks of school have been strange. Family members keep calling to ask “how do you like it” or “are you having fun.” I put on my happy face and reply with an enthusiastic “Yes!!” If I was being completely honest, I would say, “oh yeah it is super fun and I have great friends, but I hate eating, everything smells weird and all I want to do is snuggle with my cats.” Out of courtesy, I choose to spare them the negative details.
Dear internet article reader, here are those negative details:
College of Charleston has some pretty funky smells. From the lovely sewage mist to the molded trash on the streets, I have had a tough time feeling an appetite for anything. For the first week I felt nauseous all day long from all these scents. Therefore, I would not eat and then I would feel really hungry. It was truly the worst. That is why I changed my meal plan to 12 swipes a week, but I STILL never use it. To add to it all, for a couple days the trash room on my hall smelt like rotten meat and farts. Those nights were some of the hardest.
Now, two weeks into college, it is a new type of feeling sick –homesick. Two months ago if someone told me that I would cry because I would miss home, I would have NEVER believed them. I thought I was not that type of person. I thought I was tough. I thought I was an adult. I was so ready to leave the nest and now that I have…well, I want nothing more than to be back in the nest. I miss how I could walk downstairs and talk to my mom anytime I wanted. I miss my kittens, my bed, and most of all the fact that I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.
Now that I go back and read this, it all seems very sad. I realize now that some times in college are going to be sad. Although, those times cannot even compare to the happy times. The times when I am on a morning walk, discovering new places, or having small dance parties when I finally turn in that long-procrastinated reading response.
A book someone recommended a book to me titled “Reasons to be Alive” quotes “There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet.” My day will be completely different than yours and that is completely alright. With time, I am coming to terms with that idea.