The 10 funniest lines you missed from T.J. Miller at the Sottile

Last Thursday, comedians T.J. Miller, Thomas Middleditch and Nick Vatterott brought two hours worth of laughs and giggles to the Sottile Theatre. The show started promptly at 9pm with the opening act, Nick Vatterott, who was then followed by Thomas Middleditch. By the time Miller took the stage, the audience was worked up for a good conclusion to the night. For those of you who missed the show, here is a list of the top ten funniest things said by comedian TJ Miller that night (Warning: most of these are ridiculously out of context. We like it that way!).

1. “How dare you have the name of a president and be a butt hole!”

2. “You guys have Clyde the Cougar in Charleston…but not Charlie the Cougar. Take a minute and let that sink in.”

3. “Its never okay to say the word “young” twice in a sentence. Look at those young, young, boys playing soccer over there.”

4. “Throw a bag over her head. Nope, I can’t imagine what situation that is okay in. First, you didn’t specify paper or plastic. Then how do I ask a chick, can you put this over your head? It’s not paper it’s plastic.”

5. “I only came here because I thought Clyde really was a cougar….”

6. “If you see a man walking down the street eating a lime. Cross the street.”

7. “The only adjective for talking about death is morbid. It’s never a positive thing when you say the word morbid. “Hey Steve, just wanted to say you’ve been morbid all week. Going to visit your family? Don’t die, just kidding. Maybe.”

8. “You can tell a professor who says your performance is terrible, “We’re going to die.” Then, “We’re all going to die soon.” I’ve told a professor that before and he said, “You’re right, let’s go get tequila.”

9. “Look at all these snowmen. Snowman, after snowman and more snowmen. Dude, its called a cul-de-sac.”

10. “My wife is over there. I wasn’t just staring at this random person. We’re actually married, I promise.”