The Swamp Fox breaches servers at CisternYard News

A renegade band of writers has defected from the CisternYard News staff and holed themselves up in the swamps underneath the Calhoun Annex.

Calhoun Annex. (Photo courtesy of Joshua Mulvaney).

Calhoun Annex. (Photo by Joshua Mulvaney)

After a long-winded altercation over the necessity of the Oxford comma, during which opposing parties fought each other with boiling coffee and dry erase markers, a group of writers from the CisternYard News staff abruptly quit and swore vengeance against the campus news source. The group left the room and was not seen for another two hours. At 12 p.m., our servers were hacked and the message “Vengeance is Ours – Swamp Fox” replaced our usual website header. Our web managers feverishly worked to recover the website, finally decoding the cryptic hell that was the enemy firewall at 12:39 p.m. When they did so, a new site page titled “The Swamp Fox” appeared.

At 1 p.m., our Editor-in-Chief received a text message declaring that the renegade writers had found a place of legend, deep beneath the Annex, from which they would coordinate their vindictive onslaught. Based on CisternYard lore, there could be only one thing they were referring to: the basement swamps.

The architect of this building, a perpetually inebriated Frenchman, was apparently unaware of the building’s proximity to the ocean.  By building a basement (defying all physical and architectural limitations) he turned the foundation of the Annex into an underground swampland. Out of embarrassment, the Frenchman threw out the blueprints and barricaded himself in the basement, never to come out. The location of the entrance was lost. We have reason to believe that the renegade writers have found and breached the barricade. They now operate somewhere in the dark recesses of the Annex.

A group of former Cistern Yard writers has taken refuge in the Calhoun Annex basement swamps. (Photo courtesy of John smith via Flickr Creative Commons).

A group of former Cistern Yard writers has taken refuge in the Calhoun Annex basement swamps. (Photo courtesy of John smith via Flickr Creative Commons).

We are currently investigating the location of this swamp of legend, but our efforts have so far been futile. They have already blocked us from this section of the site before, so we expect they’ll try it again, and we may not be able to breach their firewall a second time.

Do not trust anything said on this page! You have been advised.

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Josh Mulvaney is the Opinion Editor for CisternYard News. Josh is a junior International Business major with a double minor in Global Logistics and European Studies. He is an avid traveler and cinephile who would equally enjoy climbing the perilous trails of China’s Mt. Huashan and studying the lighting of 1920’s German Expressionism cinema. He can likely be found reading books on foreign policy in a coffee shop or shooting photography around the city. He wants to work as an international consultant for American film companies in the future.

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