Lost freshman humiliated on first day of class

It was Tuesday, Aug. 23, 2016 – Elliot’s first day of college. Speed walking through Cougar Mall on his way to Maybank 205, he looked down at his phone to check the room number for his first class. Elliot stumbled on the bricks as he approached the front door of Maybank. He was flustered but determined to continue to class because being late on the first day is never a good thing.


Classroom. (Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons)

Elliot made his way up the steps and opened the door to room 206. It was 9:24 a.m. and class started in one minute. After scanning the whole room, Elliot realized that there were only two free seats so he took the open seat in the front row against the far wall.

The professor was already 17 names into calling roll – Elliot’s last name is Adams. Elliot decided that he’ll go up to the professor after class to tell him that he wasn’t listening when his name was called. He was sure everything would be fine.

The professor was probably 75 years old and had a slow pace to his speaking; he had already put two people to sleep in the back row.

Elliot’s mind wandered to other places as he observed the few people in the room who he could see from the front row. The guy next to him was tapping his pen and getting on his nerves. The girl sitting next to the door was really cute, but Elliot decided that wasn’t the time to think about girls: it’s the first day of class.

Elliot directed his attention back to the monotone professor and attempted to focus on what he was saying.

Professor. (Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons)

Professor. (Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons)

The cute girl by the door raised her hand and asked, “Can you repeat when the first essay is due?”

The professor responded, “We will spend two weeks reading Catcher in the Rye and the analysis essay, 5-7 pages, is due on the the following Thursday after we finish the book: Sept. 8.”

Elliot’s face went blank and slightly white. Elliot thought he was in his statistics class this whole time and it turns out he was in a literature class. His eyes darted around the room in a state of panic and he realized he had to leave.

Elliot threw his backpack on his back, grabbed his pen and notebook and got up. At this point, his face was quite red and he made a beeline for the door. He avoided looking at the professor, but on his way out he made eye contact with the cute girl. Extremely embarrassed, Elliot did nothing but look blankly at her. The girl gave him a sweet smile as he opened the door and walked out.

After class, the professor was outraged at the situation when Elliot left: “No student has ever walked out on me. I am going to file a police report and contact administration. In fact, if I see that young man on the street, I am going to let him hear it!”

The cute girl by the door on the other hand was smitten by Elliot. She was overheard saying after class that she, “thought it was a scene out of a movie. The only thing that could’ve made it even more comical would’ve been if he had tried to push the door open when it was really a pull door.”

Elliot did not wish to leave a comment, fearing one would ruin his life even further.


**Swamp Fox articles are satirical in content**

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Dustin Hacker is an Opinion and Satire writer for CisternYard News. He is a freshman at the College and can frequently be found riding his skateboard around Charleston, particularly at the Battery.

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