On Thursday, Nov. 13, 2016, President Obama signed into effect the Executive Order – FOH With That Cheddar Lookin’ A** Fake Tan, You Cannot Be in a Position of Power – effectively disqualifying Donald Trump from presidency.
Executive Order 13743 makes law that any candidate with a “cheddar lookin’ a** fake tan” will be immediately removed from any federal government position. It also states that all candidates for any federal position who fit this profile must immediately terminate their campaign.
President Obama has riled disbelief from opposition throughout his presidency for the profundity of his use of executive orders. He has signed 254 orders into law, giving him the 16th most of any president in history.
Republican leader Ben Closeted said, “It’s ridiculous how Obama has abused his power with all these executive orders! How many has it been, 254? That’s ridiculous! …What? Reagan and Bush signed more than that? Teddy Roosevelt signed 1,081? That can’t be right! Obama has definitely has been more monarchal than any of those guys!”
Nonetheless, President Obama has openly admitted to the political power move of this order in particular.
“I could have made the law about any number of things,” Obama said. “For instance, ‘You can’t be President if you’ve been recorded saying more than five things about women that wouldn’t be aired on television’ was on the table for a while. We also thought about, ‘If you promise cultural genocide via exportation and banned immigration, you can’t be President.’ Honestly, it seems like every third statement out of his mouth should disqualify him from being president. I just picked the surest, safest bet in forcing Trump to f**k off.”
Republicans at this point are unsure whether to be outraged or relieved. Prior to Executive Order 13743, a growing number of party leaders were banning against Trump.
At the head of this disapproval was Sen. John McCain. “I didn’t think I would be alive to see such a clown get so far in a Presidential race, and honestly, I don’t think many others thought I would make it this long either. But this Obama ruling makes me uneasy. I mean, he has a point. Maybe he’s right? Actually, I think Obama he has been right all along?”
President Obama, preemptively sensing backlash from Executive Order 13743, released a statement saying, “Honestly guys, just trust me. The world would go to crap with this guy as President. We all know that. Since the RNC is too much a group of knuckleheads to stop him, I’ve been forced to use whatever remaining constitutional rights I have as President to make sure Trump can never have power within the Federal government. You’re welcome.”
The Republican Party has yet to announce who will step in as their new Presidential Candidate, releasing the statement, “Really? You think we have any freaking clue of what the heck to do? Look at the past few months!”
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**Swamp Fox articles are satirical in content**